Wednesday, 14 August 2013

meringues the hopeless way

Words are not pouring out of me these days, try as I might to force the issue.  I've broken instagram* and so there's not even really crappily filtered pictures to post on ye olde blogge, in these trying times.  I am living and I am working and I am eating my dinner with gusto and I am supervising heat pump installers who insist on pointing out squeaky floorboards and interrupting my flow from my working from home pozzie (my bed.  Of course. They were lucky I wasn't in it)

Oh yes, I had a weekend one time.  It was really lame.  I had a serious case of the sneezles that antihistamines would not move so I made it worse with cheese and wine and wouldn't get off the couch. 

OH THAT'S RIGHT! I made meringues on Sunday and they turned out!? Want my recipe? (No you don't but humour me.)  This is how I made them:
  1. Turn the oven on to 140 degrees celcius, bake (NOT grill.  I've made that mistake before and it does not end in a delicious roast or unbelievable chocolate cake, I can tell you)
  2. Grease a baking tray.
  3. Separate two eggs.  Only get a tiny bit of yolk in the white and congratulate self vigorously.  Hand yolks to husband who effortlessly uses them to whip a batch of hollandaise, the smug asshole. 
  4. Put whites in a largeish bowl and try and get your electric beater/whisky thing to work because doing it by hand SUCKS.  Add a tiny pinch of salt.  Beat it until stiff.
  5. Add 4-5 oz of sugar in 4 lots, beating well between each lot. (Fucked if I know what 4-5 oz converts to - this is Mum's old school meringue recipe.  I completely forgot about google and got out the Edmonds cook book to see if I could convert it, found out that 4ish oz is about 125ish grams.  Realised I don't have scales.  Thought, 'eh, fuck it', got out a measuring jug and decided that 125ish mL of sugar must be roughly equivalent.  Thought better of it later and added a little more.  Really must buy scales.  Actually, I won't bother, I probably won't do this again for another decade.)
  6. Add a 1/4 tsp of vanilla essence with the third batch of sugar.
  7. Present husband with whisk for licking.
  8. Dip (cleanish) finger in liberally. 
  9. When thick and shiny, stick dollops on tray.  Get the meringue mix all over your shirt, the oven, the bench, two spoons and a spatula.
  10. Stick em in the oven for an hour and a half.  Resist the temptation to open the door every five minutes. 
  11. Let them cool in the oven for as long as you can stand it.  Preferably until cold, but patience is  a virtue and I understand.
  12. I served them with a berry reduction thingamee (berries, honey, splash of water on the stove top - would have used booze but ultimate consumers' allergies had to be accounted for) and some fresh mint and cream (sorbet for the dairy intolerant).
  13. Make your audience give you the praise you undoubtedly deserve and them make them clean the unholy mess up. 
I think that is possibly the first recipe I have ever both cooked and given to another human being (or the internet, whatever).  What a milestone moment. 

* Broken instagram = locked myself out of my husband's apple account, therefore can't access and can't update the damn thing.  Probably a mercy.

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