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Wednesday 18 April 2012

maintenance

I think its about time I tackled some of the big issues again.

FLOSSING: WHAT IS YOUR STANCE?

(a) I do it religiously day and night.  I am an effing DECAY NAZI and you will see nary a stray grain in the wholesome gaps between my teeth.

(b) Never. Flossing is for pussies.

(c) Meh…when I remember and then sometimes it hurts.

Yeah, I'm category (c).  Generally hopeless; not even taking a stand for or against flossing.  I know it's good for me but it seems that I'm incapable of making it a part of my morning routine (which, btw, is fixed in STONE because I'm absolutely godawful for AT LEAST an hour after I wake up.  Seriously, I need shower, clothes, tea, cereal with the right kind of yoghurt and a not-too-ripe banana before I'm good for anything and WOE betide if I appear to be slipping on the meticulously planned timings (example "JESUS H CHRIST IT'S 8.03 AND I HAVEN'T STARTED THE HAIRDRYER")). 

EYEBROWS: WHAT IS AN ACCEPTABLE MAINTENANCE SCHEDULE?

(a) Once a month like clockwork at the salon's waxer/threader/personal eyebrow grooming assistant du jour.

(b) Never.  Nature gave me these bad boys to keep shit out of my eyes so I ain't messing with them.

(c) When I remember I go into the salon and get them done or, more often, when I pick up the tweezers and give them a go as I'm passing by the mirror.

Yep, (c) for the win.  Which is why I have two eyebrows of slightly differing thickness and evenness, a regrowth problem and a ring of small blondy-browny lashes on the edge of my sink.  I am so ATTRACTIVE at the best of times.  

HERE IS AN EXTREMELY FREAKY REAL-TIME PICTURE OF MY LEFT EYEBROW IN ALL IT'S HAIRY GLORY.  EWWWWWWWWWW THE SITUATION IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.
AS ARE MY REVOLTING WORK GLASSES.
JESUS H I AM GIVING YOU ME: THE UNADULTERATED VERSION TODAY
Ack, just realised that this makes me sound like an ENORMOUS personal grooming slob but I trust it will help if I say that I shower daily, wear deodorant, keep my nails in check and clean my ears often?  Flossing and eyebrow maintenance (or lack thereof) just struck me as I looked in the mirror this morning…am I the only grimy cow around here?  Quite possibly.

4 comments:

  1. I usually start flossing the week before I go to the dentist so I can try to pretend I take good care of my teeth. It doesn't fool them. Then after they tell me how important it is I start doing it again, for like another week. Then I get lazy.

    Eyebrows I really want to get better about. My eyebrows are pretty thin and can be maintained by tweezing here and there, but I bet I would look better if I actually started making that every 4 week appointment...

    P.S. I'm not some dirty skank either. I also shower and like to look and smell nice. Flossing and eyebrows are just easy to neglect.

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    Replies
    1. Booking the appt for the dentist is SUCH a motivator!

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  2. Salon? People really go to a salon for their eyebrows? People not living in a colour county? I'm a self-tweeze-only kinda gal...but I don't think it's done me too much damage...maybe because I don't seem to have too many pesky hairs interested in stepping out'o line.

    And flossing -- every time I go to the dentist I swear (inwardly and aloud) I will floss every night, without exception. Then I slip back into twice or thrice a week. Humph.

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    Replies
    1. I love the image of well-behaved eyebrow hairs - lined up like wee soldiers! I think I need to work on my Sgt-Major routine...

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