danger. danger will robinson

After all yesterday's whinging (which? Trust me, you only caught the edges of), my wonderful husband purchased a lovely bottle of wine and the first of the season's peonies on his way home!  The smell is completely divine; I keep catching the edge of perfumed wafts in my kitchen and living room. 

HAPPY SIGH.  PEONIES ARE MY FAVES.

This means that I should be glass-half-full today.  However, LET ME JUST SAY I work in a dangerous environment y'all and that's one of the reasons yesterday was tough on SO.MANY.LEVELS.  Yeah, yeah, tell me about the hazards you face on a daily basis you tree surgeons and window cleaners and shark divers (is that a career?)…you ain't got nothing on my catalogue of office WOE:

THIS PICTURE WAS SO OFFENSIVE I HAD TO INSTAGRAM IT TO TRY AND DIAL BACK THE ICKINESS.  IT'S STILL REVOLTING, NO?  EW, FINGERS AND TOES AND APPENDAGES.  *SHUDDER*

See that? Paper cuts.  Infectious wee nasties: they hurts me, they hurts!  I swear Ally McBeal did NOT have to deal with this kind of palaver.  Note the picture also depicts some stress-chewed nails.  EW GROSS GROSS GROSS VILE. 

Also: My toe, which was hurting from a day in unsuitable shoes, got stubbed on the corner of my desk last night.  I believe it was on my second attempt to leave the office; when I got to the security gates the first time round, I had a sudden vision of my security pass sitting under the piles of crap I'd left on my desk.  I KNOW, stubbed toes are painful, right?  I'm doing it tough out here in the office-arena.

Just be grateful I'm not giving you a picture of my mouth ulcer which has been exacerbated by stress.  I pulled down my lower lip and showed P the revoltingness and now I think he may never touch me again.  I am kind of grossed out by me too.  Side note: how does one fix an ulcer?  I know you can use baking soda or something...does that just alleviate the symptoms or assist with fixing the problem?

Air-conditioning: dry lips, dry hands, SHARED GERMS OF DOOM.  I share my office with one other person; when he came in on Monday with a rattling chest cough I mustered up some sympathy and the offer of a cup of tea but my internal dialogue was all "GROSS. NOW *I'M* GONNA GET IT".  This may also be because I'm a fundamentally self-centred sort of a person.  (I believe there's a much nastier word for being a 'fundamentally self-centred sort of a person' but hey, I'm not gonna bag myself THAT much on my own blog!) 

Yeah, you appreciate the dangers of the office environment now.  It's hazardous out there, but someone's gotta push paper.  I'm CLEARLY taking one for the team.  You can thank me later.