Monday, 2 April 2012

honesty (of sorts)

More walks in the spring sunshine this weekend - isn't my life all EXCITING and middleaged and whatnot?!

This time we hit the Thames Path towards Rotherhithe on the advice of a colleague.  An interesting walk with fantastic views back to Tower Bridge and the City.  We indulged in a pint at the Mayflower en route in the sunshine.  Ate some delicious tapas for lunch nearby. 

So OF COURSE it was logical for me to act like an irrational bitch once we got home. 

I was trying to purchasing some flights and make bookings for our travels.  P hadn't made a decision which would allow me to do that (still hasn't).  I'm a bit control-y when I've decided in my own mind how something will occur and it was pushing my buttons that I needed P to get his shit together first.  Honestly, P probably didn't have to make the decision right then.  Super honestly, it's because I have a clear preference as regards his decision that I'm being all passive-aggressive about the situation.  But there was just no real excuse for me to snap in the way I did. 

I had this vivid internal powerpoint presentation of "Shit That Pisses Me Off About P or Shit That P Has Done That Pissed Me Off 2001-Present".  Now that list isn't very long and is generally pretty fucking trivial (why would I have committed to him else?) but I got wilder and wilder as the list got more detailed.  Can't share it in all it's mindlessness: -

(a) not fair to put stuff about P on the internet without permission;
(b) some of it is so inane I've never told him (of course I haven't, like you've ever detailed to your lover minor irks that get on your wick for no apparent reason);
(c) I'd be leaving the door wide open for P to give me a public shaming; and
(c) I've forgotten most of it now I've calmed down. 

I apologised later, probably in a half-assed way.  It took some time to recognise my irrationality for what it was. 

But OMIGOD, I found the rage zone again when we were walking to work this morning.  I remarked that he was being particularly quiet; he commented that he wasn’t saying much because he didn't know how I'd react.  RED RAG TO A BULL.  Shit on a STICK that made me ANGRY.  There is nothing worse than having it pointed out that you're irrational…please tell me that I'm not the only one who feels that way!

So there you have it.  I'm an irrational cow who takes her husband for granted: true confessions of the internets kinds.  Not as scandalous as you might have hoped for, I'm guessing.   

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