centre

The remnants of emotional exhaustion are still present, but I'm back to a (mostly) even keel.  My heart is still littered with shards of grief and guilt but I recognise that my reactions are largely selfish and can be shelved for short periods, with a little effort (no doubt less than I should expend).  You probably think that this is melodrama but I assure you that this melodrama is no less keenly felt for being splurged ridiculously all over a blog.

Speaking of melodrama, do you recall how intense loss felt when you were a teenager?  I remember the death of a seventh form basketball player when I was in sixth form, an avid fan of the basketball team.  He died in a car accident.  The sixth and seventh forms were devastated, but genuine grief seemed quickly to morph into a sort of contest - who knew him the best?  Who was the closest to his family?  Who felt it the most?  I hadn't spoken to him much personally, but I remember grief on hearing the news, followed by a weird sense of guilt that I was upset; after all, what right did I have to tears, when there were others who were clearly so much closer to him?  I clearly recall trying to examine my feelings; were the feelings really because I could imagine it happening to me? 

In any case, I have my chin up.  We are celebrating a wedding this weekend and I hope you'll keep your fingers crossed that the tropical cyclone headed our way fizzles...the wedding is on the beach, so it'd be less than ideal to be facing gale force winds, I suspect.