wait! I forgot to tell you about my seasonal binge

After all that earlier Christmas tree wankery, I have completely failed to get and decorate a tree.  Instead:

• I purchased some cheap ornaments at the supermarket.  The boxes of those bastards then scratched gouges in my legs as I lugged them home.
• They sat in their boxes on the dining room table for a week. 
• Last night, P was home so instead of ignoring it for another night, I made him get down the box labelled '[Last Name] Christmas' and decorated with a jaunty sprig of holly.
• It contained one (1) German christmas light thing and one (1) ornament purchased at the Cologne Christmas Markets without a string and eight (8) festive placemats we were gifted at our wedding by a great aunt (who, bless her, also grew, cut and arranged all the flowers.  What a wonderful, kind woman).  Hardly the Xmas haul I was hoping resided in that box, despite having been the person to pack it lo, these five months ago.
• SO. Placemats and ornaments went on the table, baubles into the decorative salad bowl and vase situation.
• German Xmas light into the window with some shoddy electrical cord arrangement.
• I then made P source the fairy lights purchased for our wedding.
• Half the fuckers on each of the strings didn't work, despite being less than two years old.  So to hide their deficiencies, we decorated the pear and bay trees out the front instead of the house.

The whole thing is frankly somewhat less that Christmas Chic, but OH WELL.  It is done and twinkly lights make me happy, even if they look rubbish.  OH LOOK, I VISUALLY DOCUMENTED IT BADLY FOR YOU:

GERMAN XMAS LIGHT.  FESTIVE, NO?

FESTIVE TABLESCAPE, I AM A SMUG DOMESTIC GODDESS WHO CAN PLACE TABLEMATS.  ALSO THE NEIGHBOUR'S GUTTER OUT THE WINDOW.  ATTRACTIVE, HEIN?

THE FIRST ABORTIVE ATTEMPT AT HANGING SOME GODDAMN LIGHTS.  SOMEONE OUGHT TO SEND THIS TO THAT PINTEREST FAIL BLOG.  I SHAN'T SHOW YOU THE PICTURE OF THE FINAL TREE DECORATION EFFORT BECAUSE IT'S SO UNDERWHELMING.  STILL, FAIRY LIGHTS ARE AWESOME.  P.S. GERMAN XMAS LIGHT IN SITU.  MASSIVELY DISPROPORTIONATE, WHAT? BONUS POINTS FOR SPOTTING THE MYSTERIOUS P WHOSE LEGS ALSO LOOK VERY DISPROPORTIONATE.  YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE ME AT MY WORD THAT HE'S A SMOKING HOT SEX GOD.