a litany of useless behaviours

I worked out my ideal career this morning, trudging to work under my own personal black cloud:

Professional, Work From Home, Dumpling Taster.

I am uniquely qualified for this role:

• I love dumplings
• I eat a lot of dumplings
• I'm very good at staying in bed
• I have opinions on things, like dumplings
• etc

Sadly, I'm not sure where to apply for this role.  Please to tell, if you know.

So, yes, I was feeling a bit dark about being all contractually required to turn up to my place of employment and be employed, today.  That's because I had a completely hopeless weekend, in classic A style:

• Lost my phone.  Again.  That's the phone twice and wallet once in 6 weeks.  On the bright side, it turned up 24 hours later.  On the dim side, I lost it at the same bar as last time. 
• Lost my dignity attempting to dance with P on Friday night.  Managed to push him over on the dance floor.
• Broke the button off P's pants when we got home.  Don't ask me how / why - I'm not even sure myself.
• Crushed my thumb as I was closing up the ladder. 
• Got heinously sunburnt in the Domain (when I left the house there was no need for sunscreen - I wasn't intentionally stupid!  I promise!)
• Could barely move during the Hollie Smith concert due to hangover from previous evening's...festivities (verdict = she was fab, loved the new stuff, technical difficulties aside a great show.)
• Scared myself shitless - from noticing a spider.
• Killed the romance in my relationship with a gastro issue...followed by falling asleep flat on my back with my mouth open, snoring.  SO sexy.

Just lovely.