feckless

You know how I'm planning a little bit of a travelstravaganza on finishing work on 21 June?  And how I just had a month overseas and a wedding?  And how I did a masters' degree two years ago that completely wiped me out financially?  And we're going away practically every weekend from here to 21 June because JC on a piece of toast, we're not going to live within three hours of Paris by train soon? 

I'm a lucky lady but it's freaking me out financially.

I don't regret the marriage, the honeymoon or the graduate degree.  I hope I'm unlikely to regret the experiences we'll have between now and arriving home in New Zealand.  (I'm already referring to it as home; excuse me?  When did that happen?!).  What I am regretting is the need to trade off financial stability for the purpose of my own enjoyment.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not plunging myself into the unfathomable depths of the debt sinkhole in order to have this travel blow-out.  We've simply prioritised the travel over the ability to put a good deposit down on a home sooner, rather than later.  A home or another investment, obvs.  Home ownership is not the be all and end all of investment, though it often seems that way. 

{CRY ME A RIVER, you're probably thinking.  Doesn't this self-indulgent cow know there's a frigging recession on and she's lucky to have the option to spend money this way?  Yep, not completely self-absorbed, only MOSTLY self-absorbed, so I am aware that this is a blatantly petty problem to others.   Yet I write about it because, as previously advertised, these are the chicken scratchings of a Gen-Y narcissist.}

For all that spending money makes me feel terribly, terribly guilty and panic stricken, I just spent MOAR on P's 29th birthday present.  P has purchased a stereo amp for his birthday, nominally as my bday prez for him.  He spent a very happy afternoon on Saturday setting it up, testing the sound settings, explaining the remote controls to me (which, just between you and me, was a complete waste of his time) and practically jizzing all over it.  We're justifying it on the basis that electronics are eye-wateringly expensive in Nu Zild, plus it makes him facehurt happy.  HOWEVER, I couldn't let him have nothing to unwrap on the day now could I?  Well, yes I could but I won't this year. 

THIS BAD BOY.  STATE OF THE ART SEXY FRYING PAN.  GETS YOUR JUICES SIZZLING.

The gift is an awesome frying pan.  Can you believe that frying pans can be awesome?  Well, it's true.  If I was gifted a frying pan I'd probably freak the eff out but P will genuinely love it (I think).  I actively encourage his cooking skills: previous gifts include cookbooks, gastronomic encyclopaedias, chef bios, knives, the whole bit.  Selfish, hey?  Yeah, I ate a warm lamb salad with roasted kumara and finely sliced red onion, feta and little gems last night for dinner courtesy of those gifts.  BOOM.  I assure you, it's not ALL about me though - the man has actually expressed a desire for a pan that can go from stovetop to oven. 

I think I have just done an incredibly effective job at justifiying my purchase in writing this.  Jeebus,  I can't even stick to the theme of "money spend guilts" today.